Compassion Care

GRIEF  AND COMPASSION CARE

Beloved, the roots of compassion care stem from the heart of God. Maintaining the passion and fervency to serve and care for others is almost impossible without the love of Jesus sustaining you. To be a Christian means to be Christ-like. We are the heart, hands, and feet of Jesus (Matthew 25:40-45). Compassion care begins with the understanding that God must be the foundation and source of your strength. No matter how much you love a person and your intentions are pure. Compassion care is a weight you cannot carry without being anchored in Biblical truths (Matthew 11:28-30). Lastly, caring for yourself is essential before properly caring for others. You will get compassion care right if you get the serving order correctly: God, yourself, and others.

Incorrect models of compassion prioritize serving others, yourself, and God last.

Some individuals may attempt to prioritize the care of others before adequately caring for themselves. During the preflight instructions, you will be reminded by the flight attendant in the event of an emergency to properly secure your oxygen mask before attempting to help others. I know you love your child(ren) and aging loved ones, but your loved one would prefer you not put yourself at risk while caring for them. There are vital components that many caregivers overlook; they forget self-love and self-care. Compassion care also involves treating ourselves with the same kindness, respect, and love we give extend to others.

Beloved, your well-being is equally or even more critical than the care you extend to others. If you are not well, please ask yourself how you can serve or who will serve those you have the privilege to serve. Therefore, make your physical and spiritual health a priority. God must be our firm foundation when caring for others. The Bible states all other ground is sinking sand. As others pull on you, be prayerful, and practice the presence of God by consistently filling your cup with God’s word. He is the unending reservoir of everything to need to serve. Therefore, you always want to pour from a full cup overflowing with the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

Beloved, trust God, even when things don’t make sense. The Holy Bible acknowledges the peace that flows with allowing oneself to experience sadness. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” Compassion care also means taking time to weep and mourn our losses, big or small. This process will help bring closure and allow our wounds to heal correctly. Somewhere, many individuals, directly or indirectly, were taught to ignore their feelings, hide their vulnerability, and put the needs of others before their own. When you are not allowed to practice “good grief,” you become a stuffer and focus more on surviving than thriving. This new model of compassion care challenges an old-fashioned way of thinking and living. We can create a more fulfilling life by allowing ourselves to experience our emotions and be compassionate towards ourselves and others.

Beloved, you are not robotic. If you do not take a break, you will break mentally, emotionally, physically, and sometimes spiritually. The more you have to do and the more responsibility you have, the more time you must spend in the presence of God. Furthermore, be intentional about breaks that help you recharge your battery with things and people you enjoy. Also, allowing yourself to feel sad and angry when appropriate is healthy and necessary, even if you must schedule a time to grieve deliberately. Yes, you heard me correctly, sometimes, we wear so many hats that we forget to grieve, and when reality hits us, we can hit rock bottom.

I experienced it firsthand when my now ex-husband abandoned our newborn son and me on the day of his birth. I did not have time to properly grieve the loss of my husband because of my responsibility of caring for my infant child, along with all the adult responsibilities that came with instantaneous single parenthood. I was on autopilot for years, then one day, I cracked under the weight of the heavy load. When we attempt to carry all our burdens and responsibilities in our strength, we can break under the weight and pressure of a fictitious reality.

Beloved, we are not to deny our reality, but we need to pray because prayer will change situations or, at minimum, our perceptions. Then sometimes we need more than God – wow, did she say that? Yes, I did. Sometimes, we need humans, “angels with skin-on.” Sometimes, they come in the form of friends, medical professionals, a good therapist, and people like myself specializing in Grief Recovery, and sometimes, we need a good ugly cry. Did you know crying allows toxins to escape your body?

Beloved, for longevity in serving in any capacity, please extend grace and acceptance to yourself. Also, know that it is alight to say no. Beloved, no is a complete sentence; this tiny word will keep you from taking on responsibilities others can do for themselves. Therefore, be gentle with yourself rather than pushing yourself past your limits and creating an unnecessary cycle of self-destruction. Remember your feeling and needs matter, and you do not nor should you ignore your emotions to focus solely on the needs of others.

By recognizing and validating your feelings, you can find balance and create healthier, happier lives for yourself and those around you. Self-love and self-care are essential for all individuals blessed to serve others during these tumultuous times. The Covid-19 pandemic has sparked a great need for emotionally and spiritually healthy caregivers and clergy. Beloved, remember if you are caring for someone grieving, performing a barometer check as it is helpful, as you do not want to suffer in silence. For example, if you are caring for an aging parent or a loved one with severe health conditions, you both may be grieving the things you wish could have been better, different, or more. The grief recovery institute calls this unresolved grief. Unresolved grief can manifest in many forms, from anger and sadness to disbelief and numbness. It can be challenging for you to experience and watch your loved one manage these types of transitions. You both; may want some emotional, spiritual, and professional grief care.

A HEART WITH EARS

The main goal of caring for an individual(s) affected by loss is to allow them to express their feelings, enabling them to process and find acceptance of their grief in a supportive, healthy way. Practice active listening to the bereaved without judgment or unsolicited advice-giving.

Beloved, find ways to extend practical support and guidance, including assisting the bereaved with decisions they may not be ready to make. In addition to ensuring they take the best care of themselves. Furthermore, you can provide emotional and financial help to your comfort level. Helping with meal preparation, tasks, and chores and watching small children and pets can be significantly helpful.

HOW SELF-LOVE AND SELF-CARE ARE IMPORTANT WHILE GRIEVING

Grief is a complex emotion and can be especially tough to navigate alone. Do not fall into the trap of isolation. It would be helpful to have others fill your bucket as you constantly pour to fill someone else’s. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed with our emotions and lack of understanding. To alleviate this, please take time to reflect and look inward. We should give ourselves time to heal and love ourselves through our unique and special needs.

Self-care and self-love can look like many different things – it can mean practicing affirmations and self-talk, doing things we enjoy that bring us joy, and resting in silence or reflection. Don’t get weary in doing well (Galatians 6:9). God will reward you for your labor of love and your faithfulness to serve others.

THE THREE R’S AND THE THREE P’S IN COMPASSION CARE

Above all else, we should be gentle and patient with yourselves. Allow God to birth and perfect some gifts and attributes you didn’t know you had or needed (See fruits of the Galatians 5:22). Just as childbirth takes tremendous strength and patience. Compassion care is a robust process that brings forth many gifts but can be emotionally and physically painful.

Properly caring for yourself will help you ensure that you don’t push past your limits or burn out. Beloved, find creative and straightforward outlets like sitting outside enjoying nature, journaling, poetry, crafts, gardening, or a sport to help you process your grief. You are attempting to help busy – but finding healthy ways to cope with your feelings of loss. Beloved, ask God for wisdom as you may also need to set up necessary boundaries that give you a safe place to explore your emotions and grieve.

Take regular sabbaths, which do not require an entire twenty-four block. But Beloved, be intentional about scheduling time to replenish, reset and relax. These three R’s are going to look different for everyone. You may be with friends or set a date to walk in the park, read at the library, or a coffee shop. Whatever your choice, it is vitally essential these three R’s find their way into your life. It would be best to take regular respite breaks, or you will break; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. You are not robotic; even Jesus took regular intervals to pray, rest, and enjoy friends.

In the long run, grieving can become an incredible opportunity to look deeply within ourselves (serve with a clean heart) and identify personal strengths and weaknesses. Beloved, asking for help and delegating whenever possible is alright. Compassion care is not an opportunity to take over but to provide assistance. If your loved one can care for themselves, don’t snatch away their sense of independence. You must be patient; God may develop tangible fruit in your life and theirs. Serving is not easy, but keep going; always remember your why?

ASK FOR HELP! TAP INTO YOUR AVAILABLE RESOURCES

As caregivers, it can be taxing when caring for bed-bound or less-than-pleasant loved ones. Ask friends, family, or your Church (place of worship) for assistance so you can schedule regular time off. Don’t allow pride, stubbornness, or some unfulfilled need of yours or theirs to keep you from utilizing any available resources.

I was surprised that my dad’s insurance carrier provides services for light housework or projects when scheduled in advance. If you inquire, you may be pleasantly surprised at the number of resources available. But, even if there are none – Ask God for the needed wisdom to navigate this season of your life. Again, we can better support our loved ones when we are healthy, recharged, and anchored in faith. Along with the three R’s, implement the three P’s: praying, patience, and purposeful. Again, always remember why you are serving; this will allow you to reset as you focus on the one who gives you the strength to carry this cross one more mile.

FRONT-ROW SEAT OF GRIEVING

A front-row seat to grieving can be a bitter-sweet experience. Ultimately, it is a beautiful and unique opportunity to show others the love of God. Taking a front-row seat means giving your time and attention to someone who has experienced a tremendous loss. It also means understanding that this loss is unique to the individual and respecting their whirlwind of feelings of sadness, loneliness, and grief. One of the most important things you can do when sitting in a front-row seat of grief is to listen attentively to the feelings of the bereaved. Don’t judge or criticize. The experience of grief is different for everyone. It can be unpredictable, so be prepared to let the person speak their truth and try to only interject with your own experience or feelings unless the person needs prayer and spiritual guidance if led to do so.

GOD IS THE SOURCE OF OUR STRENGTH

Beloved, sitting in the front row and watching someone you love slip through your fingers is extremely hard, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually taxing, especially when they are dealing with dementia, hospice, health challenges, or age-related issues. Overseeing a loved one who has forgotten the memories that meant so much to you or even failing to take care of themselves can be painful and a bit exhausting. As children of aging parents or assisting the ones we love, we must strive to care for them with love and kindness. Also, remember, love does not keep track of wrong. Love is also patient and kind. 

Always serve out of love, not obligation or any other motive. As caregivers, we must keep our hearts and motives pure before God. Many of us find ourselves in reverse roles as we are now helping our parents navigate through their golden or final life tenure. Beloved, extend to them the same care you received or would have liked to have received during your younger years. Thankfully, words such as forgiveness and letting go of bitterness and offense are in God’s Word.

Beloved, if you were raped, molested, neglected, abused, or abandoned as a child, you must tap into God’s peace and grace to serve in a servant’s capacity. The Bible informs us that God “Heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). God is the only place you will find hope and healing to serve during these difficult and trying times. Even if you have a beautiful storybook childhood, there will be days when you will wonder why you provide this level of care for someone who did not properly care for you. During these times, we Christain caregivers must look to the cross where Jesus died a sinners death for us. Then we must utter a quick prayer and ask the Holy Spirit for help, guidance, and wisdom to serve as if we were serving unto an audience of one – Jesus.

SELF-CARE IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT

Beloved, as you care for others, it is equally crucial that you make time to rest and rejuvenate. I don’t know about you, but something shifts in our human character occur when we are exhausted, frustrated, or forget our why? When were are not serving from a place of love, or our cups are on “e” for empty. We must constantly remind ourselves that God will always be within us. We must tap into God’s strength and not attempt to care for our loved ones or serve others by relieving our strength or abilities alone. Our natural plus God’s SUPER combined equals SUPERnatural. As the Apostle Paul said, “We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us” (Philippians 4:13). John 15:5 states, He is the vine, and we are the branches apart from him we can do nothing. We must stay plugged into our power source.

No matter how difficult the compassion care voyage appears, I have found when I reframe my motives with the love that flows from the heart of Jesus, compassion care never feels like drudgery. Beloved, I heard an adage, “once an adult and twice a child.” We must cherish every precious moment left with loved ones. If you are caring for an aging loved one remember it is equally challenging and frightening for them; to be reminded constantly their youth and health are fading. Help them as much as possible hold on to their sense of independence. Beloved, don’t grow weary in well doing (Galatians 6:9). With God by our side, we can remain hopeful and find the strength to care for our loved ones and ourselves.

If you need help navigating your Grief Recovery journey, please get in touch with me, Minister Georganna W. Lewis, a Certified Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist. My contact information is [email protected] or 1 (908) 765-8858. I would be honored to walk alongside you during your grief recovery journey by helping you or a loved one reclaim their zeal for life, exchanging those ashes for beauty.