Dealing With Grief

YOU CAN’T GET AROUND GRIEF; YOU CAN’T GO UNDER IT. THE ONLY WAY IS “YOU” MUST GO THROUGH IT

Are you grieving, hurting, carrying unforgiveness, or bitterness? Beloved, no one can escape Grief. No matter who you are or what you do, Grief is insidious and will touch your life at one point or another. When Grief is a part of your life, it’s important to remember that you cannot get around it. You cannot go under it, and you cannot go above it. The only way to effectively work through the pain symptoms is to go through it.

 Grief can be overwhelming and all-encompassing, and you may feel like you will never find peace. However, the good news is time along small and appropriate action steps will help to heal those wounds. There are no easy fixes or one-size-fits-all solutions, but with perseverance and courage, you will find the strength to keep moving forward. Beloved, you must take it one second at a time because sometimes, one day at a time can be overwhelming. 

Be intentional about allowing yourself time to feel and process your Grief. Let yourself feel the Grief by scheduling time to process it and get in touch with your feelings. Feel free to express your emotions and talk to someone who will listen and understand with you are going through. Journaling can be a beneficial outlet, and even if you don’t think your thoughts make any sense, writing them down can provide an outlet and a release. Also, journaling prompts are an effective way of helping you dig below the surface. 

Though you will never forget your Grief, there is hope in knowing that it will not always be so all-consuming. Grief Recovery does not mean forgetting your loved one. However, recovery is synonymous with healing, allowing you to be present for yourself and others who are still here and want you to be a part of their lives. Beloved, when we stop focusing on what we lost, it gives us time to focus on what “still” remains. 

Spend time with the people you love and surround yourself with people who may not entirely understand your journey but want to support you if you let them (in). Do things that make you happy, no matter how small. Beloved, celebrate your small wins and use these precious moments of joy to keep you moving forward. Grief will always be a part of your life, but it does not have to control it. You will find God’s peace with patience, courage, and a “considerable” amount of self-love. Things will be different, but different can be okay. Different does not have to denote intimidating; sometimes, it’s the missing component that pushes us out of our comfort zone. 

There will be a time in life when every individual must face Grief. It happens, and no one is immune to the pain felt by losing a loved one or any of the 4o plus items that can cause Grief. You can’t get around Grief; you can’t go under. The only way to conquer Grief is “you” must go through it.

In John 16:33 (AMP), Jesus is talking to his disciples, I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world, you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.] 

Jesus knew things would cause pain, anguish, and discomfort, but He wanted us to never take our eye off of Him because, like the poem the Footsteps in the Sand, Jesus wants to carry us through. So many of us attempt to conquer and fight Grief in our strength by ourselves.

Again Beloved, in the book of Isaiah 43:2 (AMP), He prophesized seven hundred years before the birth of Jesus: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. 

Your fire or tribulation may be the death of a loved one by disease or an accident. The end of a relationship or even an intangible – death of trust, Faith, or hope. With any loss tangible or intangible loss comes a tidal wave of emotions. The leader of this pack is called Grief. It can overtake you at any moment if you allow it. Even when you think you have it together, it can strike you like a match in an attempt to consume you. 

How do you survive this pain? How do you learn to enjoy life without feeling remorseful for being happy? The answers to these questions are more obtainable than you think. Grief is a part of life, and God knew it would be painful for you to face. That is why He spoke so many Bible verses about Grief to guide you through this distressing experience. Navigating Grief does not have to be exhausting and difficult for born-again believers. Our Faith must be anchored in Jesus Christ himself. The Bible is the best blueprint. But I will tell you that your Faith combined with an action plan is success guaranteed. The Bible warns us Faith without works is dead. Time alone will not heal you. Every griever must do their work to regain their zeal for life. 

So how do we navigate this emotional turmoil? Feelings are neither good nor bad—they’re just emotions, but they must be expressed aloud to God, a trusted friend, or someone like myself who specializes in Grief Recovery. The Bible says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

You don’t have to share your feelings with everybody, but giving your words voice to a live person helps bring you clarity and closure. 

Sometimes you need to be honest with someone without judgment or criticizing – Ask them if they have time to listen, then say, “Hey, can I just tell you how I’m feeling right now?” Then share your pain and frustration(s). Beloved, only some people can handle this type of candidness, and you should communicate with people who are constantly sharing their information on social media or are known gossipers. Paul gives a great example of sharing feelings instead of stuffing them in: “My friends, I want you to know what a hard time we had in Asia. Our sufferings were so horrible and so unbearable that death seemed certain” 2 Corinthians 1:8

If Paul, the greatest Christian who ever lived next to Jesus Christ, could be gut-level honest about what he was going through, we can do it, too. Sharing your problems includes sharing your frustrations, fears, and feelings. We’re living in unprecedented times, and everyone is feeling the stress of the pandemic. We’ve also all experienced losses and missed opportunities due to the upheaval in the world. You may have missed a funeral of a loved one, a graduation, a wedding, the birth of a child, or an event due to public gathering restrictions. 

Beloved, you need to grieve those losses and not just in private. Grief is a good, healthy thing. It’s how we transition. Sharing your Grief with others keeps you from isolation and loneliness and will remind you of God’s provision. God created us to need each other! He designed us to share our feelings with others. But he also wants us to share our feelings with him: “The LORD is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope. The LORD’s people may suffer a lot, but he will always bring them safely through” (Psalm 34:18-19). Sharing your feelings with others may not come naturally to you. But it is the only way to be emotionally healthy. Find that person you trust to help you process what you’re experiencing, and then be that friend to someone else.

The first thing to realize about Grief is that it is different for each person. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Though there are no instructions and there are no stages. Because, again, Grief is different for us all. Some grievers may be happy to see someone they loved die to put an end to their suffering. Knowing their loved one lived a “full life” brings them great joy to know they earned their heavenly crown. Others grievers may be angry, facing similar situations. Grief is unique to each individual, with no stages to cycle through. Beloved, you can’t go around it; you must go through it. 

Beloved, only you will know when your grief season is over. You feel your sense of peace. I tell you when the blues look blue again, and you look forward to facing your day when you can talk about your loved one or a situation without anger, hostility, or bitterness. I knew I had forgiven my ex-husband for his infidelity when I could pray for his well-being. Also, I called him on the phone to discuss our son. Lastly, I knew I was free from Grief when I looked in the mirror and loved the person looking back at me.

Beloved, the most important thing to remember is that it is okay to grieve in a way that works for you. No one can tell you how to work through mourning your loved one or something you cherished. Please recognize that you are not alone. When you are grieving, the enemy, our adversary, wants you to believe you are alone and abandoned. Feelings of being the only one that hurts so bad you can’t breathe. One of my favorite scriptures about not being alone is in the book of Isaiah.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, help you, and uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10, ESV

Beloved, trust God’s word; when you read the Bible, personalize the scriptures so the Word of God speaks directly to you. Many verses reaffirm that you are not alone. It won’t always hurt this bad. As cliché as it may sound, your pain will not always last. It doesn’t seem like that is even a nice thing to say, but many have spoken, and it is true. However, you might not currently believe it. But, when you look back over your life, there have been other situations in which you once thought the same way. Beloved, if God brought you through that, he will see you through this as well. You must trust and believe. 

So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. – John 16:22, ESV

There will come a day when you can think of that person and not lose the ability to breathe normally. You will be able God’s Promises During Grief 2 to see their photo and not feel like you will faint. Meditating on God’s word and listening to encouraging praise music are two tools to get your mind off the pain. It will allow you to refocus your thoughts on the love of the Father and the peace of Jesus. Praise will change your atmosphere every time. 

Beloved, despite the sorrow, you will feel joy in your soul again. There will be days you will reminisce, and you may feel sad, but eventually, you will remember the love and happiness you once shared. Unfortunately, regaining your zeal and strength for things that once gave you pleasure is not found in a quick fix. Biblical joy and peace flow from the heart of God. Sometimes that love disguises itself as a friend who sits quietly with you while images of your loved one play through your mind. Even though the pain may be turbulent now, there will be a day when the pain decreases and eventually vanishes. 

Trust the healing on the inside. In the book of Psalms, David shares many verses concerning overcoming Grief and learning to find joy in the most agonizing time of your life. In these scriptures, you will discover how to find healing in your soul. The thing about Grief is that there are few outward signs of its depth. Grief feels like you are bleeding internally and need a tourniquet for your shattered heart. Beloved, trust the inner healing that begins with meditating on God’s word. Trust the healing that comes with His promise to heal that hurt currently taking up space in the depths of your heart. Trust that He will not only bandage that wound but heal it so you can say it is well with my soul.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3, ESV

Finding peace in the storm. You may even wonder if you will ever again feel peace. Look again in the book of Psalms. Peace can come from understanding that the Lord is always nearby. The Bible informs us that greater is He that is in us than He that is in the world. I John 4:4

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. – John 14:27

• God’s Promises During Grief 

No place on earth can bring you the peace that Jesus has left you. As you seek to find the peace that will calm the storm within your heart, realize true peace is knowing that Jesus is Lord over every one of your situations and life circumstances.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:7

The hardest part about Grief is finding peace in our minds and silencing our troubled and overactive imaginations. You have probably had these thoughts yourself. “He won’t see his children grow up.” “He won’t be able to travel anymore.” “She won’t be here to watch him play ball.”

Beloved, rest assured that your loved one(s) are not feeling any of those things. Numerous Bible verses lead us to believe that our loved ones are not experiencing any sadness or feelings of missing us. If your loved one trusted in Christ’s finished work on the cross for their salvation. 

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. – 2 Corinthians 5:6

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” – Revelation 21:4

In these two verses, you can see the reassurance that if your loved one is a Christian, there are not experiencing any sadness or heartache, only the utopia of the majesty of seeing Jesus face to face. God’s word mentions many times that there will be mourning as long as we live in this world. No one is immune to this pain. No one has the exact way to process this Grief. The only given about Grief is that it won’t last forever and that there will be mourning.

• To console those who mourn in Zion.

To grant to those who mourn in Zion to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. – Isaiah 61:3

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

Dr. Dharius Daniels stated it is alright to grieve long as Grief does not have us (paraphrased). Beloved, people equate Christians with robots; we feel pain and bleed red like every human. However, we should be in control of our Grief, and Grief should not be controlling our lives. It also means we accept the Grief journey by trusting God with the process. When Grief becomes a cycle, every birthday, holiday, or year after year, you can’t break free of the grip of Grief. Beloved, can I encourage you to seek professional help? It is “not” okay for you to say, “I get like this every year at this time.” Beloved, this is a form of bondage. Jesus came to set you free from the chains of the enemy. 

• You will find comfort.

These are just a few Bible verses about Grief that will help you navigate through Grief. Remember, Grief s a personal journey in that no two people will take the same path. It will look different for everyone. The one true constant in everyone’s experience is that there is a place of peace and comfort. Though it is not in the physical sense, it is available to all who have accepted and confessed Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

If you need help navigating your Grief Recovery journey, please get in touch with me, Minister Georganna W. Lewis, a Certified Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist. My contact information is [email protected] or 1 (908) 765-8858. I would be honored to walk alongside you during your grief recovery journey by helping you or a loved one reclaim their zeal for life, exchanging those ashes for beauty.